Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
