it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
