Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
