you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Randomize
