hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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