we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Randomize
