When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
