Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
