my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Randomize