having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
