dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
