these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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