forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
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