CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
