so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
