Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
