Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I don't deserve a penis
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Randomize
