I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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