I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
