I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
