okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
