Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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