I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
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