woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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