So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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