The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
