I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
