I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
