I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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