I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
worst night to have a conscience
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
