I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Just high enough for therapy.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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