So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
