Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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