I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
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