guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
