two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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