But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
