He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
