we have officially lost it.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
