their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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