just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
