I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
