I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
