So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
please come you make the beer taste better
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
