if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
