it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Randomize
