rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
