I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Randomize
