Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
