He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
