My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
