i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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