My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
