her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
