Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
