Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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