Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
