problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
