ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Randomize
