His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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