Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
