My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize
