In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
