Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
