so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
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