summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
