my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
