i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
