i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
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