YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
where am i from again
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
